10 years, 10 Queation

Over my time in Azeroth, I've had a lot of fun and created many friends and memories. I decided to answer Alternative Chats 10 years 10 questions to celebrate both my time in the game, and WoWs 10th anniversary .

1. Why did you start playing Warcraft?

I became a huge Warcraft 3 fan thanks to my uncle, and because of having both a broken leg and having been just diagnosed with depression, I was looking for something that I could use to keep my, mind occupied. I saw a World of Wardraft commercial and managed to talks my parents into both getting me the game and paying the subscription fee. We had to go to four stores to find a copy, but we did and the next day I was entering Azeroth for the first time.

2. What was the first ever character you rolled?

 The first toon I rolled, and then promptly deleted, was a Tauren Hunter. Honestly, it was just because it was the character that popped up on the character creation screen and I thought that meant I had to play it. It took me about a day to realize I could create and decide my own character for my journey, so I went and deleted the hunter and rolled a human paladin, which was my main until half way through Wrath of the Lich King

3. Which factors determined your faction choice in game?

At first I choose Alliance because I thought they were the good guys. After my initial choice, the only factor I need to join a faction is whichever my friends are playing. I have and do played multiple characters and both factions, just because I like to spend time with my friends.

4. What has been your most memorable moment in Warcraft and why?

 My Most memorable moment is a hard one. I've had so many moments stand out for me that it's hard to choose just one. But having to choose, I think it would be beating Karazan back in Burning Crusade after raiding it for five months. It was a thought raid, and I got to play it with my firends at the time, allowing me to spend my nights with people I got along with. I also did homework at the same time I was raiding, which made tanking interesting.

5. What is your favourite aspect of the game and has this always been the case?

My favorite aspect has always been th fact that I can play and interact with people from all over. The game forced me to be socials, without affecting my anxiety at the same time. It helped me make friends, and the only times I've disliked other players is in certain parts of the game that I try to avoid all I can.

6. Do you have an area in game that you always return to?

Nagrand. I return to Nagrand all the time. It is, I'm my opinion, the most beautiful zone that was created in the game. I loved how a pvp area was integrated so  we'll into the zone, as well as the different creatures and mobs that roam. most of all, I loved the scenery and the color that is so vivid, that it seems like the developers just redid actual pictures that they had took.

7. How long have you /played and has that been continuous?

The last time I looked it was close to 400 days over all my characters in 9 years. Since I haven't played the last few months, it was only continuous up until I started my break.

         8. Admit it: do you read quest text or not?
Nope. Never, unless I'm confused with a quest and need clarification. I'd rather be out on the world fighting and jesting, then reading the quest text.

9. Are there any regrets from your time in game?

None. I love the friends I've made, the connections I've created. I enjoy all my memories, and all the raids and dungeons I've had to do, even if I've had to do them multiple times.

10. What effect has Warcraft had on your life outside gaming?

Warcraft helped my deal with my Depression and even my Anxiety. It gave my lasting friendships that I still have to this day. It's given me people that I actually have gone and visited in real life, or friends that I have carried over to play other games. It helped me gain the courage to start creating videos and stream, and even helped me gain he insight I needed to created this blog.

Mental Strength; My battle with Depression - August 9th

This week on twitter I saw many tweets that described a persons battle with their inner demons and the feelings that they feel like they can't share with others for fear of ridicule. And I have to say, I know the feeling. Ever since I was younger, I kno the feeling of hiding how I feel, and having to be an actor on a daily basis. At times I feel like I should win a academy award for the performance I put on, that's how much I pretend.

I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 14. It was Chornic, not Clinical, which meant that it was heredity and would never really go away. Medicine never really fixed it completely, instead it only suppressed symptoms while making me sick and moody. Then after a while the medicine would stop working and I would have to switch to a new one. At the age of 19 I finally decided to stop taking any medicine because they messed with my head more than the actual depression did. Over those five years I went through massive weight loss, only to put it back on just as quick. My health was never quite 100% and the headaches I had always gotten as a child came more frequent. My doctors could never really figure out why the medicine was fucking with me so much, but it did.

I went into more intensive therapy after the age of  17because I had a sucide scare. I stay home one weekend when my parents and siblings went away on vacation. I took a razor and sat in the bathroom, fighting with myself and wishing that I had just one person who actually understood what was really going on in my head. I sat there, ignoring my moms calls until my uncle came into the house and found me. He stayed the rest of the weekend and made me promise to get help.

I never felt like I could really talk to my parents because my dad always played it off like I was just searching for attention and that I was just sad. He would say things like "just cheer up" and "there's no reason to be sad". He didn't seem to realize that saying things  like this just made me feel worse.

Finally at 20, after playing WoW for years, I found some people that battle with the same thi I battled with. They pulled me out of my shell and became my support system, talked me into joining twitter, where I found numerous other people who became my friends and showed me I wasn't alone. They're remain my support system to this day.

But still, everyday, I go through the motions with people. People tell me "Oh, I know how you feel. I'm always so sad". These people make me want to slap them. Battling with depression doesn't mean you're sad all the time, that's only part of it. It means you feel like there's a huge weight on your chest, pushing you down so you can't find get light. It means that you feel worthless and that you'll never dig your way out. You feel alone at times, and at others you just feel like you'll never be happy. Depression makes it hard to do everyday tasks because you just don't feel like moving or getting out of bed.

Dealing with depression doesn't mean a persons is weak, it means they're stronger that you can imagine. It means that they're facing the world with a huge weight already on their shoulders, and most of the times they're facing it while they act like everything is fine. They're strong because they get out of bed when they want to do nothing more but sleep, and instead they face the world.

So next time you see or hear of someone suffering from depression, don't feel bad for them or attpt to sympathize. Instead stand up and cheer them on, applaud them for their strength. Stand their and let them unload on you, let them tell you their fears and worries. Because take it from me, sometimes that all we need.

Before I sign off, I want to thank some of my friends that have helped me grow strong. Vero, Milk (Jessica) Fist (josh) LeBlue (Eric) Tycer, Hestiah, Twenty, Mist, Wowprofitz and everyone else whose name I can't remember, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

A new endeavor! August 2nd

Ok, I can't believe in saying this, but I'm going to set a target for myself. Starting today, I'm going to try my best to get out a blog post every saturday for as long as I can. I don't know if I will be able to do this, because I push things off for because I don't know if I'll find topics I want to talk about, but I'm going to try. That's something right?

In the past I've always tried to do things like this, and sometimes life gets in the way, other times I just can't be bothered, but most of the time I forget. I'm going to try and not forget this time, but I can't make any promises. That's my life. I forget things quite quickly because I move along to other things and they tend to take over the areas of my mind that I would normally be remembering things I have to do. Like blog.

But I like to blog, it's a quick and easy way to get my views and opinions out on the net, and then I can forget about it and a leave it there. It's also a place I can leave my opinions and viewpoints and try to get people to read them, or to at least visit. A place that I can attempt to share my pleasures and joys With others. It's also a place I can unload my feelings and the things that are getting me down and just express myself. So I'm hopefully going to be doing plenty of that every Saturday for the foreseeable future.

I hope.

I really hope.

Like really really REALLY hope.